~ Pains Of The Heart ~








Everybody Hurts


In our lifetime we suffer many heartaches. Sometimes to numerous to count, too heavy to bare.



In my few years upon this earth, I have suffered but a few of these. But they have left their indelible mark upon my soul. The first, a naive young girl's marriage broken and torn apart like an old rag tossed in the garbage.



A father who has no need nor use for a daughters love, and so tosses it aside and moves on to another family, another life.



To see the man I love more than life, in the arms of my best friend. And even though my mind knows it was an innocent kiss, I wonder if my heart will ever mend from the betrayal it has sustained.



The death of my mother, Which threw me into such a deep abyss, I feared I would never climb out into the sunshine again. And when I think of her and the void her death has left in my life, I feel that pit of despair will overwhelm me once again... And bury me in the abyss.



To see my babies grow up and leave home. The children I have spent most of my life raising and carrying for, no longer need me. The emptiness I feel is almost unbearable.



The lost of my youth and vitality, the countless hardships and tribulations. But I think the most painful is the loss of my innocence....and my dreams.



In my youth, I had such glorious dreams of what my life would be. Of the impact I would make on mankind., The accomplishments and desires I had once thought would come true someday. I believed it all...that it would be just the way I wanted envisioned it to be.



But now I see the reality of life and it depresses me. Even the simple joys of life elude me. Like a snowflake falling on my nose,. or seeing the rays of the sun cutting through the clouds...lining them with silver. Even these wonders and joys elude me and are overshadowed by these dark realities and thoughts.



And I wonder sometimes why do I go on carrying these pains of the heart. Will I gain character? Wisdom? Compassion? Are these the lessons of life that teach us to be kinder, more loving.. or do they make us cynical, bitter, and lonely......? The choice is up to me....I must go on. If only to see what I'm to be after these Pains of the Heart.


by: Katerina





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