...  OIL CHANGES BY GENDER ...

WOMAN:

Pull up to Jiffy Lube at 3000 miles since the last oil change.

Drink a cup of coffee.

15 minutes later, write a check for $20 and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

MEN:

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 for oil , filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.

2. Stop by the applience store, for a large piece of cardboard
   and tie it to the roof of car.

3. Discover that the used oil container at home is full
   Instead of taking it back to O'Reillys to recycle
   dig a hole in the back yard to dump the oil in.

4. Open a beer and drink it.

5. Jack the car up. then spend 30 minutes looking for the jack stands.

6. Find the jack stands under kid's pedal car.

7. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

8. Place the drain pan under the engine.

9. Look for a 13mm box end wrench.

10. Give up and use a crescent wrench.

11. Unscrew the drain plug.

12. Drop the drain plug in pan of hot oil and get hot oil on you in the process.

13. Clean up the mess

14. Have another beer while the oil is draining.

15. Look for the oil filter wrench.

16. Give up; poke the oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist it off
    getting more hot oil on you.

17. Drink another beer.

18. Your buddy shows up; finish drinking the case of beer with him
    Finish the oil change tomorrow.

19. Next day, drag the pan full of old oil out from underneath the car
    and dump it in the hole in the back yard.

20. Throw some kitty litter on the oil spilled during steps 12 and 16.

21. Drink another beer. O No, drank it all yesterday.

22. Have to walk to 7-11 to buy more beer.

23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of clean oil to the gasket first.

24. Dump the first quart of fresh oil into the engine.

25. Remembering the drain plug from step 11. hurry to find the drain plug in the drain pan
    nuts the pan is empty, hurry to find drain plug in the back yard hole.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug as last drop of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. The oily wrench slips and you bang your knuckles on the car frame
    you bang your head on the bumper in reaction.

28. Begin a cussing fit.

29. Throw the wrench. Cuss for additional 10 minutes
    because the wrench goes through a garage window.

30. Drink another beer.

31. Dump in the additional 4 quarts of oil.

32. Drink another beer.

33. Lower the car from the jack stands accidentally crushing one of the jack stands

34. Move the car back to apply more kitty litter to the fresh oil spilled during step 26.

35. Drive the car a quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another oil change

36. Worry about the broken window later

37. Finish drinking the case of beer.