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Cronauer: Now, here's the weather, we're going to go right to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt. Roosevelt, how's it goin'?
Funny voice: Adrian, I'm with somebody! Don't ever come here and bother me right now!
Cronauer: Well thanks, Roosevelt. Can't you give us a little weather?
Funny voice: Not now, man! I'm on the balcony, man, I'm tryin' to score! Back off!!
Cronauer: Well, what's the weather like?
Funny voice: You got a window? OPEN IT!
Cronauer: Thank you, Roosevelt! We'll just have to go to someone else for the weather. I guess we'll have to go all the way to Washington, Weather Central, with Walter Cronkite. Walter, what's the weather like?
Fake Walter Cronkite voice: I just want to begin by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt...what it is, what it shall be, what it was. Weather out there today is hot and shitty, with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow, a chance of continued crappy weather, pissy weather, front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass.....
Cronauer: Remember the people who brought you Korea! That's right! The U.S. Army. If it's being done correctly here or abroad, it's probably NOT being done by the Army.
Funny voice: I heard that!
Cronauer: Oh-ho! You're here! Good to see you!
Funny voice: I'm here to make sure you don't say anything controversial.
Cronauer: Speaking of things controversial, is it true there's a marijuana problem here in Vietnam?
Funny voice: NO, it's not a problem, everybody HAS it.
Cronauer (Robin Williams): We've got a special man in the audience today right now...it's Mr. Leo. He's a fashion consultant for the Army.
Funny voice: Why thank you, Adrian. I'm just very happy to be here. I want to tell you something. You know, this whole camoflage thing for me doesn't work very well.
Cronauer: Why is that?
Funny voice: Well, because you go into the jungle, I can't SEE you! You know, its like wearing stripes and plaid! For me, I want to do something different. You know, if you go in the jungle, make a statement! If you're going to fight, CLASH!
SGM Dickerson: I run this station according to strict guidelines set by military intelligence.
General: Military Intelligence...now there's a contradiction in terms.
SGM Dickerson: This is not military issue, Airman. What sort of uniform is that?
Cronauer: Cretin camoflage...if you want to blend in to a crowd of drunken Greeks, there's nothing better.
Cronauer (to SGM Dickerson): You're in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history!
Cronauer (with funny voices mixed in): What is a demilitarized zone? Sounds like something out of the Wizard of Oz. Oh No! Don't go in there! O-WEE-O! Ho-chih-minh! Oh look! You've landed in Saigon! You're among the little people now! We represent the ARVN army, the ARVN army! Oh No! Follow the Ho-chih-minh trail! Follow the Ho-chih-minh trail! Oh I'll get you my pretty! Oh my God! It's the wicked witch of the north! It's Hanoi Hannah! Now little G.I.! You and your little toto too! Ah-hahahahaha!!
You absolutely have to be in the military to fully appreciate the humor in this one...verrrry funny!Cronauer : Excuse me sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT, because if it leaks to the VC, you could end up an MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP.
Cronauer (with funny voices mixed in): The Mississippi broke through a protective dike today...what is..what is a protective dike? Is it a large woman standing by the river going (in burly voice) "Don't go near there!" But Betty! "Don't go near there...get away from the river! Stay away from there!" I know we can't say the word dyke, we can't even say lesbian...it's Women in comfortable shoes, thank you very much!
Cronauer: Something real special right now, we've got a traffic report up there on the Ho-Chih-Minh trail. How's it goin' up there?
Funny voice: Well, Adrian, it's not goin' exactly well. There's a water buffalo jackknifed up there...it's not a very pretty picture. There's horns everywhere! I don't know what to say... we're gonna maybe drop a little napalm there, try and cook him down! Have a little barbeque!
The perfect windows startup sound!Cronauer: GOOOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!
Cronauer: Freddy and the Dreamers! (Talks very slow) Wrooonnng speed, we've got it on the wrong speed. For those of you recovering from a hangover, that's gonna sound just right! Let's put 'er right back down, let's try it a little faster and see if that picks it up just a bit. Let's get it up on 78...(mutters really fast) The pilots are all going I really like the music, I really like the music, I really like the music! Oh, it's still a bad song! Hey, wait a minute! Let's try something. Let's play this backwards and see if it gets any better! (Mimics backwards voice) ...Freddy is the devil!......Freddy is the devil!
Cronauer: Hello campers! Remember, Monday is malaria day! That's right! Time to take that big orange pill and get ready for the Ho-Chih-Minh two-step!
Cronauer: What's the difference between the Army and the Cub Scouts? Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery!
