Believe it or not but:
These are real 911 calls to Memphis Tennessee 911 dispatch
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Call er: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine one one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine one one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No you idiot, this is her husband.
Dispatcher: 911 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing.
I'm all out of breath.
Darn, I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way.
Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.