Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
Californians cross-states such as Kansas, Iowa, or Missouri, those states'
Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders
understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State.
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1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you
do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
whipped...by our women.
4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout
you fish for...bait.
5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets
of sugar and a long spoon.
8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.
9. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have
quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two months a year.
10. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
12. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too--and turtle. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
13. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstate 70 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
14. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish.
16. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
I hope you enjoyed this as much as this Wisconsinite does!! Thanks "Snick"....:))
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