MY OWN PRIVATE VIETNAM

By GS Ward




I was never IN Vietnam.

I AM Vietnam.

That is, the Vietnam War is the one modern world event that has most affected the outcome of my life.

When the U.S. normalized relations with Vietnam in 1995, I was surprised to find myself curiously empty of feelings on the subject.

August 20 is the anniversary of my father*s death in a Southeast Asian jungle.

He was killed just nine days before my second birthday.

There has not been a day since that the war has not been a part of my life.

I was deprived of half my family, half my childhood, by what happened that day in Vietnam.

I cannot remember ever seeing my father*s face or hearing his voice.

My father is a monument in Woodlawn Cemetery, a box of grainy photographs and a frame of medals behind glass.

There is a hole in my soul that will never heal on this earth.

This is the cost of war and I have paid it my entire life.

Each day since my consciousness began,

I rise to refight that battle in which my father was killed.

As a child I fought "Charlie" with a single-shot .22 in the 100-acre "jungle" near my home in Knoxville, Tennessee.

As an adult I cannot help having a 1000-yard stare
(a skill I use in hunting).

I speak softly and never go back the same way I came. My footsteps are light and the hair on the back of my neck is like an extra set of eyes on the back of my head.

These are my hereditary traits.

I do not hold animosity against the Vietnamese people or the U.S. Government or any individual.

Vietnam is a moveable horror and Charlie can have any face.

He is the enemy we all share.

Charlie is the faceless Boogieman of my own private Vietnam.

Duery Felton, curator of the collection of items left at the Vietnam Memorial Wall in Washington D.C., reported that the effects of the government*s normalization of relations with Vietnam showed up immediately at The Wall.

At a time when it seemed that veterans and war families were healing from the wounds left by Vietnam, this political move reopened the wounds, forcing us to deal with the old issues anew.

Me, I feel nothing.

There is no sense of closure.

As long as there is ink in my pen and breath in my chest, I will warn my neighbors and government that the true cost of war is more than the sum total of the casualties.

The debt is amortized across the generations.

Those left behind by the war continue to carry the debt while the dead just sleep.

There are those who would like us to forget that the Vietnam War ever happened.

While we eventually learn to live on in spite of the past, we will never forget.

We will never forget.

G.S. Ward-1999

The Writing of This Legacy
Is Dedicated
To The Children
Never Rocked to Sleep
In Father*s Arms, Because
They Were Taken By War.


TOM WARD

SFC - E7 - Army - Regular
MACV Advisors
38 year old Married,
Caucasian, Male
Born on Aug 08, 1926
From CINCINNATI, OHIO
Length of service 14 years.

Casualty was on Aug 20, 1964
SOUTH VIETNAM
HOSTILE, GROUND CASUALTY
GUN, SMALL ARMS FIRE
Body was recovered
Religion
PROTESTANT

Panel 01E - - Line 62





HUSH NOW
GS Ward's Childhood Memory


TOM PARSONS STORY

A man also named Tom, wrote to me about his
experience bringing the men home to the families,
for final rest. Read Tom's story above.

Visit The Wall Web Site




A Krissy @ High Tide Made Page