The first piggy said, "I would like a Dr. Pepper." The second piggy said, "I would like a glass of tea," The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."

When the waiter brought the drinks, he asked if they were ready to order.

The first piggy said, "I would like a Hamburger." The second piggy said, "I would like a Steak." The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."

When the piggies were finished eating, the waiter asked if they would like some dessert.

The first piggy said, "I would like a hot fudge sundae." The second piggy said, "I would like a banana split." The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."

When the piggies were finished with dessert, the waiter brought their check. Before he left the table, he asked the third little piggy why he only ordered water.

  No groans please...






  Scroll down....






  A little farther....






  Do you really want to know?






  OK.....






  You have been warned.....






The third piggy said, "Well, someone has to go 'Wee Wee' all the way home."















One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.







Do you remember the first time you heard a "dirty" joke? I do... I must have been in the first grade, when this older fella (he must have been in the second grade) asked me if I wanted to hear a dirty joke. Of course I did. What a silly question!!!

He said, "A pig fell in the mud!" and walked away laughing his head off, and I just stood there... thinking "HUH!?" I didn't get it.




Is this what that little kid meant???







Two farmers from a small town outside of Little Rock, Arkansas were walking home together after each had purchased a pig. One said to the other, "How are we going to tell them apart?"

The other man answered, "We'll cut the left ear off of your pig."

After a while, the pigs got into a fight and after they had both bitten off each other's ears, one of the men asked the other, "Now what are we going to do?"

"Well, how about if we cut the tail off of my pig?" one of the men said.

"That sounds like a good plan to me," the other man said.

A little while later, the pigs got into another fight, and when it was over, they were both missing their tails. "What will we do now?" one of the men asked the other.

After giving it some thought, one said, "Well, we could cut the leg off of yours."

"That's not humane!" the other man cried. So after some more thought, he said, "Well, let's do this. We'll just call the white one yours and the black one mine."















As you know, there is a possibility of another outbreak of swine flu during the next few months of flu season. In order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of you family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus, you should be aware of the symptoms associated with this disease.


1) Sore throat.
2) Slight headache.
3) Moderate to high temperature.
4) Nausea or upset stomach.
5) An uncontrollable urge to screw in the mud.







Poor victims of Swine flu...
This CAN happen to you, too.

Please heed this warning...
This COULD be you in the morning.

Take every care...
And of pig mud...BEWARE!!!



(names have been withheld to protect the guilty... er I mean innocent)







A man was walking in the country and saw a pig with a wooden leg sitting outside a barn. As he was pondering this, the pig's owner came along. The man asked the farmer how the pig got his wooden leg.

The farmer said, "Let me tell you, that is some pig! Our house caught fire last May, and he dragged my kids to safety!"

"Is that how he lost his leg?" the man asked.

"No," replied the farmer. "But a month ago, I almost drowned and that pig swam through icy water to pull me to shore!"

"So that's how he lost his leg," the man asked.

"Oh, no. And just a week ago, my wife's car slid off the road onto the train tracks. That pig broke through the window and helped her out just as a freight train came through!"

"So THAT'S how he lost his leg!" the man said.

"No, sir."

"Then HOW did he lose it?" the man begged.

"Well sir," the farmer replied, "when you got a pig that terrific, you don't want to eat it all at once."







A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc... After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, so he calls a vet for help.

The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.

The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs, so he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, services each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day servicing the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud.

"No," she says,"they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."















Three Little Pigs... NY style


Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."

And he did!!!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down"

And he did!!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down." So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up.

The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."

The straw pig and the stick were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired killing the wolf, then they got back into their limo and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins from Brooklyn
...the Guinea Pigs."







Her mother decided that 10-year-old Susie should get something practical for her birthday.

"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" she suggested.

Susie was delighted.

"It's your account, darling," Susie's mother said as they entered the bank, "so you fill out the application."

Susie was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank." With just a slight hesitation, she put down "Piggy."







What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.















3 Little Pigs - Dahl Style


The animal I really dig,
Above all others is the pig.
Pigs are noble. Pigs are clever,
Pigs are courteous. However,
Now and then, to break this rule,
One meets a pig who is a fool.

What, for example, would you say,
If strolling through the woods one day,
Right there in front of you you saw
A pig who'd built his house of STRAW?

The Wolf who saw it licked his lips,
And said, "That pig has had his chips."

"Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"
"No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!"
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!"

The little pig began to pray,
But Wolfie blew his house away.
He shouted, "Bacon, pork and ham!
Oh, what a lucky Wolf I am!"
And though he ate the pig quite fast,
He carefully kept the tail till last.

Wolf wandered on, a trifle bloated.
Surprise, surprise, for soon he noted
Another little house for pigs,
And this one had been built of TWIGS!

"Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"
"No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!"
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!"

The Wolf said, "Okay, here we go!"
He then began to blow and blow.

The little pig began to squeal.
He cried, "Oh Wolf, you've had one meal!
Why can't we talk and make a deal?

The Wolf replied, "Not on your nelly!"
And soon the pig was in his belly.

"Two juicy little pigs!" Wolf cried,
"But still I'm not quite satisfied!
I know how full my tummy's bulging,
But oh, how I adore indulging."

So creeping quietly as a mouse,
The Wolf approached another house,
A house which also had inside
A little piggy trying to hide.

"You'll not get me!" the Piggy cried.
"I'll blow you down!" the Wolf replied.
"You'll need," Pig said, "a lot of puff,
And I don't think you've got enough."

Wolf huffed and puffed and blew and blew.
The house stayed up as good as new.

"If I can't blow it down," Wolf said,
I'll have to blow it up instead.
I'll come back in the dead of night
And blow it up with dynamite!"

Pig cried, "You brute! I might have known!"
Then, picking up the telephone,
He dialed as quickly as he could
The number of red Riding Hood.

"Hello," she said. "Who's speaking? Who?
Oh, hello, Piggy, how d'you do?"
Pig cried, "I need your help, Miss Hood!
Oh help me, please! D'you think you could?"

"I'll try of course," Miss Hood replied.
"What's on your mind...?" "A Wolf!" Pig cried.
"I know you've dealt with wolves before,
And now I've got one at my door!"

"My darling Pig," she said, "my sweet,
That's something really up my street.
I've just begun to wash my hair.
But when it's dry, I'll be right there."

A short while later, through the wood,
Came striding brave Miss Riding Hood.
The Wolf stood there, his eyes ablaze,
And yellowish, like mayonnaise.
His teeth were sharp, his gums were raw,
And spit was dripping from his jaw.

Once more the maiden's eyelid flickers.
She draws the pistol from her knickers.
Once more she hits the vital spot,
And kills him with a single shot.

Pig, peeping through the window, stood
And yelled, "Well done, Miss Riding Hood!"

Ah, Piglet, you must never trust
Young ladies from the upper crust.
For now, Miss Riding Hood, one notes,
Not only has two wolfskin coats,
But when she goes from place to place,
She has a PIGSKIN TRAVELING CASE!

Roald Dahl







A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."













(visitors since 9/10/03)


Pigs are funny and full of jokes;
Pass them on to other folks.

Maybe they will make you smile
And forget your troubles for a while.