When Little 'Boys' Smile by Douglas R. Bergman © 2006 Used with permission.

Last year, the surprise and boyish smiles of three strangers gave me the best holiday in memory. Our chance meetings at the intersection of hope and despair caused by the food and gift bags I gave out had my effort and soul in them. They weren't a faceless easy check to an agency that can't shake your hand. Their smiles spun fragile threads of hope into a warm coat of dreams for the winter. Real lives were made easier for a few days but they gave me the greater gifts of meeting them, knowing their names, seeing them smile and feeling the appreciation. The politically correct dictionary calls them 'random acts of kindness.' Mine came about rather by accident. I was in a quandary about what to give to my seven nieces and nephews. I am one of those displeased with the commercial 'chochkie' junk holiday madness filled with quickly forgotten toys and ugly ties. I wondered what I could give all these people that had a different meaning and would resonate with a holiday gratitude greater than maxed credit cards. At first, a friend and I were sure the solution was to help serve meals to the needy at Thanksgiving. While our hearts were in the right place, our timing was terrible. All the agencies I called were overstocked with volunteers and turned us down. However, we could get on the waiting list to help at Christmas. In New York at least, such volunteering seems a popular even a valued entry on ones social resume. Looking for a solution, my mind wandered to the couple of months in 1983 when I was homeless. There were no great thoughts then. I remembered the myopic immediacy of my needs: what would I eat, if at all, today; where would I sleep; how to clean myself of body or after bathroom? I remembered that relentless and constant stress of immediate need and how I wanted relief from it. Relief was what I could give to strangers. It would not change their lives forever.  Charities often solve problems 'tomorrow.' Homelessness is the pain and hunger of now. The solution was three sturdy bags stoked with $50 or more of food and necessities randomly given out to chance met homeless persons. I wanted my gifts to be full of me, my efforts and thoughts far more than a tax time deductible canceled check. That element, I hoped, would let strangers know that a real person gave a damn. I must give and greet anonymously in the name of my brothers families. For each bag, an announcement card was sent to my brothers families letting each know what had been done in their name. At first, it seemed such a simple thing to do. When I started to shop, I discovered that there were lessons and things to be considered to make the gifts respectful and helpful. I could assume nothing and had to remember that much that we take for granted are difficult things for the homeless. Concepts of weight, storage and quality of life became important. The entire bag must be complete and able to be easily carried. With care and thought, I prepared these three bags trying to account for as many simple comforts as possible. In food items, I concentrated on single serving cans with pull tab tops if possible. Variety was also an issue. Included were canned items that can be eaten cold even if intended to be heated:  spaghetti, canned meat, chili, vegetables, and fruit with two or three of each item. I avoided 'off or store brands' not wanting to 'talk down' to my recipients with a 'cheap stuff' attitude. I even included a small can of mushrooms. Other essentials were included: toilet paper, instant coffee, a salt and pepper set, can opener, matches, candles, add water cocoa, bottled water, bar of hand soap, small box of laundry soap, razor, small sewing kit, clean socks, and cotton gloves. One bag even included a new holiday shirt I had received but didn't really care for. Quality of life items were not ignored. I included a paperback book, cigarettes and even a half pint of Jack Daniels. It was important to me to not be judgmental. I had also learned long ago that including a small amount of alcohol might ease some misery and make the recipient less inclined to trade off all the gifts for booze if that was a greater need. It is nice to remember the sweet tooth also. I added a few name brand candy bars and at least one fancier, single serving wrapped snack cake. For the sweet items, I added a three pack of the needs no refrigeration milk in a box. After all, I can't be the only milk and cookies guy around. The holidays were here and it was time to hit the street. This too required thought. What would I say and how would I approach people? It was important to be sure the gift went to a real homeless person. This meant avoiding most if not all men and women pan handlers as it is risky that they are great actor gift of gab beggar pros probably with more cash in their pockets than you or I. I also decided to avoid the serious aluminum can collectors, the ones with carts and large bags of cans they redeem for money. Finding a true street person is quite simple. They carry all they own, wear layered soiled clothes because it is warmer and easier to transport them, have a deeply soiled color to their skin, are usually unshaven wearing rather tattered shoes. Do not be deceived though. In many cities there is a new sub-culture of homeless women that take great care to look 'normal' and could walk right into a PTA or board meeting. If it isn't obvious, look for that dazed and 'where do I go now' look in the eyes. As I traveled to find my first recipient. I thought a lot about dignity, respect and kindness. It made sense to not force myself on these people. I should smile, talk briefly and to the point. So what was the point? It came to me to say, 'I want you to know that there were people out here who gave a damn.' Kind words of warm conversation, a holiday greeting and a friendly handshake seemed to complete the package of caring. Lyle was fast asleep just inside the local subway lobby with all that he owned in plastic bags. I had seen him there before and knew he was a regular. Using the words excuse me and sir, I asked for a moment of his time. Sleepily, he rose and offered his hand in respect. I introduced myself as one of my brothers. Remember, I wanted to be anonymous and have the recipient remember my brothers families. I explained to Lyle that that the bag was for him. I said that it wouldn't solve everything but thought it would help for a few days. He was sleepily befuddled at first as this was truly a strange thing happening. Surprise gifts from a stranger with no strings attached? With a firm handshake, I closed telling him that there were real people that gave a damn about him. With a smile and a warm holiday greeting, I wished Lyle well and left after just a few minutes together. Jim had a quiet dignity about him beneath his heavy whiskers, soiled skin and tattered layers of soiled clothes. He was sleeping quietly on a busy business street near my home. It took a while to gently wake him even with all the holiday hustle and bustle and noisy traffic going by. He wished me and my family a warm and happy holiday! His dignity and respect was evident when I explained that the bag was for him. He thanked me offering a firm handshake and saying, 'I'd be happy and honored to accept it.' Again, our time together was brief but full of simple kind words, respect and dignity. Scott actually found me. I had passed him on another busy street near my home but wasn't sure he was homeless. Walking on, I turned to watch him for a minute. Was he just a pro pan handler? My stopping caught his eye. Perhaps it was my hippie like long hair that told him  I'd be receptive to his pitch. As he approached, I easily saw he was homeless. It was the odd things (to me odd to him his possessions) he carried in a plastic bag, the many days of whiskers, and soiled look. Scott walked up with a toothless smile and started talking. Yesterday was his birthday he said grinning. Today he was hustling quarters for hot coffee. It was fine that booze would be involved. I could smell it on his breath and he told me up front how a cop had made him pour out the last half pint he was drinking on the street. I learned Scott too was a Vietnam vet so we had a brief ex-soldier chat where did you serve and all. Scott's eyes went wide with saucer like surprise when it sunk in the big goody bag was all for him. The base chat explanation was the same I had had with the other two men. I loved Scott's savvy charm and streetwise brashness. He loved the bag of supplies but boldly asked about the quarter he was after originally. With a cocky stance and warm heart smile, he waited for me to respond. With a grin, I fished out a quarter. Scott quickly noticed it was Canadian implying it might be refused for payment. Happily, Scott got the bag and two quarters from me. We parted after a few moments and Scott was jauntily on his way. The pure joy for me that gave me the best holidays season in memory was in what happened after I gave out the bags. With each man, God tapped me on the shoulder to give me my gift. Unplanned and without thinking each time, I turned and watched each recipient briefly from a distance. My greatest gifts were in what I saw. These simple bags turned three street hardened men into little boys for a moment. Lyle, though still very sleepy, arose and rummaged through the bag like a boy discovering each neetoh gift under the tree all for him. Jim's response was hunger and practicality. He quickly snatched out the gloves for his cold hands and had a snack. I left Jim smiling and watching the world go by while he had a fancy snack cake and milk seeming so serene and relaxed. Scott repacked the bag for traveling. In an excited way he packed certain key items in his pants pockets and walked briskly away I imagined to hide his treasures. Unknowingly, God and these men gave me the gift of their boyish smiles, surprise and excited appreciation. Without words, I knew and could feel the relief they felt that I remembered from years ago. They could relax a bit. For a time, they had plenty to eat and the warm smile fire inside knowing one stranger gave a damn. Here are some tips and reminders to help with your random acts of kindness: 1. DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS - Simple tasks we take for granted are major tasks for a street person. Often, desired and needed activities are just impossible. When assembling a gift bag, it is wise to ask yourself questions. If you give food in a can, ask how the person will open the can. A can opener or pull top cans are essential. If you give a candle or flashlight, include the batteries or matches. It is easy to assume the homeless just prefer to 'look' dirty. Yet the reality is that the little money they can get just doesn't leave room for buying such items as hand or laundry soap. The homeless are seldom welcome in shops anyway and this includes Laundromats so help here is a good touch. The biggest assumption you should not make is that your gift items will be used as intended. Trust that they know what their most immediate needs are. What you give may be traded or sold for what they most need or desire. The greater need may be clothes, cigarettes, alcohol, pet food, plastic tarps, blankets or even drugs. What your gifts give them is the empowerment to enjoy them or put them to a better more immediate use. 2. REMEMBER BASIC ITEMS - Basic items can bring great comfort and solve problems. Simple things like a small sewing kit for repairs, toilet paper, socks, gloves, can opener, matches, candles and the like become staples that can be used in many ways. For all items remember to makes sure they store easily and are light weight. Street people are always on the move so weight and storage are a problem. Think light and basic. 3. ACT WITH RESPECT & DIGNITY - Don't talk down to or act superior to the people you greet and give to.  Ask permission for a moment of their time.  Smile.   Ask their name and use it. Offer your name. Tell them you have this gift bag but let them choose to accept or reject it. Don't commit the sin of talking down to them in fact, attitude or gift items. This means avoid the bargain basement approach of dented cans or off  brand items that can imply you deserve less. Lastly, don't linger. Remember that their time is just as valuable as yours. Be brief, kind and to the point. Besides, your recipient is not used to kindness or strangers and may feel suspicious at first. Respect is the key here. 4. GIVE QUALITY OF LIFE ITEMS - It seemed important to me to include pure enjoyment things. I added a current best seller paperback. It was very OK with me if the pages were used to start a warm fire. I just hoped it would be after the book was read. Remember, the spirit is to give not control the usage. To me this also meant a bar of soap, razor, easy store milk, fancy snack cake, small sewing kit and even a can of mushrooms. It also meant matches and candles for heat, light or cooking. 5. TALK A WHILE AND TOUCH - One of the best things for me in my giving experiences was the talking. A few moments of conversation felt wonderful. I asked quick questions and mostly listened. I learned my recipients names and a bit about their lives. At the beginning and end of our contact, a simple firm handshake seemed to cement our moment in time with respect. Talking was not planned but was so right. I think it let them know that someone was interested in them and I got the feeling it had been some time since they had talked to anyone or been touched! I hope you will try this anytime this year and at the holidays too. You will get the chance to see and feel the great joy of giving directly to a stranger in need. I even saved money giving one giving gift rather than another returned shirt or video game. Best of all, you will see the surprise and smiles on the faces of people who value your direct effort for a stranger! In my life, the dreams and dragons were in the wild field of weeds out back in my childhood. I loved every dirty hour, every cut or scar, and the exhaustion proudly earned from mighty voyages in my pirate ship made of a Maytag crate to find the rainbows in every mud puddle. When I was young, I spent all my energy and imagination trying to set my soul free. Now that my hair is gray, I spend each minute trying to make each moment easier than the last by dropping dollars in cans for all of 'Jerry's Kids.' Checks make you forget. Smiles make you want to do it again. Maybe I didn't change the world this year but the men I gave those bags to taught me the lesson of quality over quantity.

Douglas R. Bergman is the Author of "Names I Can't Remember"
available at Amazon.com & Barnes & Noble.com
& can be reached at writerdrb@aol.com

page inspired by Jim Simchera SBHS '67

101st Airborne, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st & 2nd Battalions

101st Airborne, 327 Infantry Regiment


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