For weeks I had been having what appeared to be an infomercial in my dreams.

“Just imagine” says a man who reminds me of Humphrey Bogart, Fred McMurray, and Jimmy Stewart dressed as Joe Peschi in ‘Vinny’s cousin’, “how you could ease suffering and sickness in your fellow man with the ‘Life Ray 5000’? As you will see in the following images the instrument irradicates disease, stops degenerative illnesses and even extends life indefinitely. Life extension is at the sole option of the recipient.” Then with direct and powerful eye contact he added “At the same time becoming wealthy beyond your wildest wish?”

This has interrupted my sleep many times in the last couple weeks. I kept waiting for a change or a progression in the sequence. Last night, just as that light stage of sleep hit I saw a line of people waiting outside an office door. Some were upright and energetic looking while others looked beat down by life. Inside the office a slimmer version of me was directing an elderly woman where to set under the head of a strangely familiar machine. “Since this is your first treatment Agnes I need to tell you that you may have some difficulty dealing with the sudden change in your sense of self.” At this the lady looks up and appears ready to bolt. I put my hand on her shoulder gently and say “You have been so sub-par for so long that constant fatigue and illness has become your ‘normal’. This one treatment will restore your body to what it was half your life time ago. You are now 54 so you should be as capable of physical activity as you were at 27. You will find that disconcerting.” Agnes replied “Do you really mean it?”

The dream or whatever repeated a couple of times until I lunged out of my recliner. I tried to pretend I had to pee but the truth is I was scared. The dream seemed so real. What if? What if such a thing were possible?

9/28/2010

This morning after my 4 am trip to the throne and just as I slipped back into sleep the dream reanimated as if something had hit the play button. Agnes was sitting in a light blue recliner type couch with something like a large translucent dome inches above her head. I tell her “You don’t have to set so rigid. The machine can keep you in its field of influence. Did you come here with anyone?” “No.”, Agnes answered. “I did not want any of my friends or family to know I was trying something so silly.” “OK,” I said. “but what you are trying is not silly, rather it is not widely known or available and seems to be too good to be true. You will need to go to the readjustment room after this treatment ends in 6 minutes.” Agnes looked at me as if she was angry. “You didn’t say a word about readjustment rooms when we first talked!” I asked “Agnes do you remember me telling you to be brought here by someone?” “Yes,” she replied “but you didn’t tell me why and I didn’t think to ask. I was more worried about where to get the $1000 for this treatment.” “You need to go to the readjustment room because in 4 minutes you are going to feel 27 again. You will have regained the reaction time you had then. You will have recovered all the muscle power and vigor from that earlier time. And you will find your mind ablaze with new thoughts and ideas. Indeed the colors around you will seem artificially bright and vibrant. You will be twenty-seven again.” I continued, “You will not be able to drive safely until you practice with your rejuvenated body. The room contains a small treadmill, sewing machine, video games, and several current magazines as well as a well stocked snack area. Take your time and learn your new self.” After searching my mind for something I told her “I will be in often to evaluate you and let you know when it is safe to drive.”

The dreamed faded and I felt disoriented but expectant until a new image flickered into my mind. Again the guy, let me call him Broxton, was looking directly into my eyes and saying, “Wan, Wan! can you not memorize a simple sales routine? You keep forgetting the details of the customer’s contract and your obligation.” “What details?” I ask. “I have just been repeating to Agnes what I hear in my head. I don’t even know what this stupid dream is about.” I tell Broxton. I hear crackling and what sounds like a whispered “crap” and the visual field decays and I am sound asleep.

9/30/2010

Very early this morning on my way home after taking a friend to the doctor I felt a sudden small lurch in my mind. Fortunately I was almost at a stop light. I sat there until the light turned green and the cop behind me flashed his gumball. I guess he was late for his coffee. I pulled into one of the metered parking spaces at the Mr. Fuel gasNgo. I dropped my quarter in the money slot so I would have 10 minutes to determine if I was sick or hungry or what. Just as I decided I wanted a burrito and a cup of coffee I sensed someone next to me. “Holy Jumping Cats!” I almost shat my pants! Where or when or how did Broxton get in my car? I knew immediately the “small lurch” was my mind escaping.

Broxton said, “Sorry about this but we could think of no other way to contact you so quickly after the accidental contact previously.” He continued that his staff was preparing a presentation to be made to a group of humans entities (yes, he said “entities”) soon and one of the newer staff was verifying the slides were in order and a supervisor was reviewing the quest list. Somehow the Vontack coordinating system cross connected me to one of the scenario slides. I asked him, “What is the Vontack?” and he replied “For the purpose of this talk let’s just call it a multidimensional intergalactic computer.”

“No way!" Does it use the “Dark Energy?” I asked. I tend to get gabby when I am nervous and I was very nervous with an unknown guy in the car. “What?” he replied. I interrupted and said, “Oh it is a theory of mine that dark energy which is the part of the universe that astronomers cannot find is really a powerful, almost supernatural force that we can manipulate with our minds.” Broxton gave a small huff and said “I have no idea what you are speaking of. We have understood and been able to use all the energy and matter of the universe for the last 2 revolutions of your Galaxy.” He held up his hand and continued “I am empowered by my superiors to invite you to a presentation of the device to humans Terrans chosen by certain criteria from around your world. Our research shows you are woefully unqualified for participation but since we contacted you we are willing forced to make adjustments in your behalf.”

My mouth was powerless while my mind raced at 300 miles per hour. What humans, what criteria, woefully unqualified? All my life my family and friends have told me how smart I am even if I am highly non-ambitious. I think I was just about mad and ready to kick him out of the car when he said “You cannot do that because you don’t know how I got in.” With that he left. I do not remember fading or shimmering or anything other than that he was no longer in the car.

Esteffen Feinman, the Mr.Fuel jerk on duty was pounding on my window. I rolled it down to hear him shout “PUT MONEYS IN METER OR GETS YOUR ASS OUTA SPACE!” “Kiss my grits!” I replied and pulled out of the lot. I went directly home. I had a lot to think about.

10/6/2010

Days became weeks and weeks became months. The memory of the device and Broxton began to fade and slide from my memory. My family endured a series of minor but expensive ricochet illnesses but the most serious was when my wife developed acute idiosyncratic lateral run-out of her whipdangle. She was hospitalized intermittently for a couple of months but never for more than 2 weeks per session. To this day I still cannot get my mind around the diagnosis despite having the doctor’s nurse type the name. I spent many of the more frightening nights, frightening to me, sleeping in a recliner near her bed. The doctors (eight in total) all assured me that the disorder was not life threatening but could become so if not treated.

Each time I returned home to feed the cats and the Koi I gathered the mail and dropped it on my desk. I checked my email with my phone and generally paid slight attention to the state of the world. I fully intended to sort the mail and respond where needed. Instead the mail stack grew higher each trip home. I did take time one week to visit our bank and institute automatic drafting to pay credit cards and utilities.

She was pronounced cured of the whipdangle and released. I think all the tears in the staffs eyes were caused by vision of the money cow leaving. Our insurance did not cover all cost of medicines or nurses so I had to co-pay each morning at 8 am. One percent of a hellva lot of money is a lot when it comes out of my retirement income.

The second night she was home I dove into the mail pile. I threw away the obvious crap without thinking. Put bills and invoices in a pile and those with lawyerly addresses in the important pile. That left a filmy gold 9 by 11 inch envelope with no address or return address. The thing almost looked transparent. “How the heck did this get here?” I tried to find a way to open the envelope and shortly realized it was not an envelope. It felt like a zip lock bag without the zipper but it was opaque. I laid it down on a clear space on my desk and went to get a cup of coffee.

When I got back the thing was showing moving pictures. I picked it up and the pictures stopped. Laid it back down and watched it shimmer. In the upper right corner were the words “Press here for voice.” I pressed and waited.

12/30/2010 4 am

Lauren Bacall or some woman channeling her told me “Relax and do not try to control the media that will surround you.” She continued “The place is the lesser conference room at the L-5 point of the Visitors Convention Center of the planet Serdantile of the star Eridani 43.4 light years from Earth. Gathered are potential candidates for dealerships. Sit back and learn.” What did she mean “Sit down?” I was standing while I handled. Then I realized I was seated at some workstation and the thing was gone. I looked up. I appeared to be sitting in a great bowl like auditorium along with hundreds or maybe thousands of somethings. I looked back down to the workstation surface and realized it was no longer there. Instead I seemed suspended over a great crowd. Looking up I saw the same mass of….creatures. Some of the closer ones were going to give me nightmares in future. Some looked like desert cacti. I had to close my eyes lest I go mad. All seemed to be just waiting for something to happen.

Walter Cronkite appeared on a stage just at my eye level and began to speak. I noticed that all the creatures that appeared to have faces and eyes were looking straight ahead as if they were watching him directly in front of their eyes. How is that possible, I thought. He said “I am not Walter Cronkite but the host of this presentation chose this form to seem familiar and unthreatening. You will find that the manufacturers of the device and the host of this conference go to great lengths to only do good.” He continued “In the following 3 segments you will see demonstrations of the operation of the device at different levels of therapy. You will have ample opportunities to question the operation of the device. Later today sessions will cover siting and financing of the device.” He paused, took a drink of water then announced “Start of segment 1.”