It must be true that I worship the devil. I listen to TV preachers and they are always going on and on about the devil. They have helped me see that I am spawn of the devil! The biggest indicator that I am of the devil is that I wouldn't give one red hot cent to any TV church or actual church! According to the TV preachers, that is a definite indication of being in league with the devil. I had thought about joining a Satanic church once or twice, but decided I wouldn't give a red hot cent to a Satanic church, either. I wonder if that makes me the spawn of Jesus. I heard a lady preacher on the TV once going on and on about losing weight through Jesus Christ. She said that sugared foods were the tools of the devil and indulging in them was tantamount to paying homage to Satan. She seemed particularly hung up on doughnuts. She said Satan put doughnuts in the world to tempt people into the sin of gluttony. I never cared much for doughnuts, but that got me to thinking about them. I rushed right out to the local doughnut shop and got myself a half-dozen chocolate cake doughnuts. I worshipped the devil with my sack of doughnuts for two days!
1987 was a great year for me. Oral Roberts was perched in a tower because God had told him if he didn't raise a few million dollars, he was going to be taken "home". I wondered why if this Heaven all these preachers were talking about was such a great place he wouldn't want to go there. Then, of course there was the fall of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker and the ensuing rivalry and bitch fight with Jerry Falwell over the PTL club. But, my favorite proof that preachers are full of crap was the fall of Jimmy Swaggart. Here was a man who preached a lot about sin and he was caught taking dirty pictures of a prostitute! People told me that my delight at their misfortune was the devil making me do it. Ha! The devil never MADE me do "nuthin"! I do for the devil willingly! This is especially true when it has to do with men and women of the cloth showing their true colors, or their stupidity. I know I can always count on that!
So, now you see how it is that I am in league with the devil. Hardy har har!