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Memorial Service for Orrel Handy Frost By Charlie Frost We held a memorial service for Orrel on Feb 19th, 2004 at a seaside inn in York Harbor. The setting was just what she would have liked: Bright sunshine, a high tide with waves crashing in the background. About 85 persons attended. Stephanie led off welcoming everyone, Derek read some scriptural passages and told of Orrel's fearlessness, Pamela read funny items from journals she had kept as a youngster, and I provided some further illustrations of her character and life. Then various relatives and friends came forward to speak. It was a great celebration of her life. The stories we told about Orrel on that occasion were often hilarious. For several days after the event, as family members ate together, we were still telling funny stories about her. She brought us love, compassion, joy, comfort -- and laughter. Charlie Frost Good morning. It is so good of you to come – some from great distances. I know Orrel would be honored, as our family is, by your presence. Perhaps it is presumptuous to attempt to summarize a life in a few words. In a brief memorial service such as this we are constrained to capture the essence of her life. Orrel touched many lives – as wife, mother, relative, friend, and teacher. I believe she would like to be remembered for the kind of person she was and the good use that she made of the time she had with us. So I will touch on a few aspects that illustrate her character. We can't choose our parents, but Orrel got the best – gentle, kind, intelligent. I never heard a cross word from either one of them. They had their hard times during the Depression but it didn't sour them. They lived their religion and imparted to her a very positive outlook on life. A high school chum said, "We became best friends when we met as freshmen in high school. She was absolutely the nicest girl I had ever known. She never said anything unkind about anyone, and if someone did something bad she would say kindly that perhaps they didn't realize it wasn't right, or things weren't going well for them that day. I decided I would make her my role model. When I met her mother and stayed with them for a weekend, I found where she had gotten her sweetness." Orrel loved her family. She devoted herself to caring for the children and me. You will hear their individual tributes. She knew that home was not tied to one locality but that Love would be with us wherever duty or opportunity might take us. Like the pioneer woman, she was not afraid to venture into unknown lands. And she widened the family circle to embrace others in need – at different times she provided a home or refuge for four young boys. If there was a rift between one branch of the family tree and another, she would try to heal it. She was a lifelong Christian Scientist. She loved her church and loved to play church music in it. Her earliest Social Security credits as a teenager were from her weekly salary of fifty cents playing the piano for the Sunday School in the Athol, Massachusetts, church. At Tufts College she played the hymns for our campus religious organization. Our meetings were held Thursday afternoons in Crane Chapel, whose pipe organ was installed on a common wall with Paige Hall, a girls' dormitory. Soon the girls learned to do their studying elsewhere as our meeting time approached! After we settled in Rockville, Maryland, she became the church organist there. When after a career in government I switched to college teaching in Missouri Orrel played hymns for our college religious organization. She would bring a trumpet-size wooden case to whatever classroom was free, take out a Yamaha portable organ and – voila, our little group had music. Orrel dearly loved Maine. The highlight of her year was her family's annual vacation trip to the beach in York or Wells. With gas rationing and war work during the early 1940s that vacation might be as short as a weekend but no longer than a week. As soon as she returned home she would begin looking forward to the next summer at the beach. Her love of the Maine beaches years later enriched the local culture when we were posted to Hong Kong. Beaches there were crowded on weekends, and she would naturally make sand castles. People curious to see this strange form of art would surround her. By the time we left two years later sandcastle building was well established at Repulse Bay. Of course, the cultural enrichment went both ways. She took lessons in Chinese and Indian cooking as well as courses in Chinese language. And she increased her knowledge of Japanese flower arranging. Orrel dearly loved animals. We had pets as soon as we had a home of our own. She loved happy, playful dogs, quiet couch-potato dogs, reclusive cats, frisky kittens that rearranged the towels in the bathroom, and a cat with a mercurial personality that only she could easily love. She could tame the wildness out of many of those small creatures. One day in Australia a neighbor called in alarm saying that our dog was eating our kitten. Orrel knew this couldn't be true. Our bassett hound was fond of the kitten -- so fond, it turned out, that he carried the kitten around in his mouth when they play together outdoors. And she had a gentle way of chiding me about the care of my greyhound. "I see Serena's face is still dirty," she might say. "How many times have you washed your face today?" Professionally, Orrel found her niche as a teacher of English to foreign students. We made three teaching forays into China from 1984 to 1990. The reason we went was because I was invited to teach international law, but there was an interesting twist to that. When our hosts asked her if she would teach English, she always agreed. They looked on her as manna from heaven, with the result that her class load was at least three times what mine was! The same thing happened on our last trip, this time to the Chinese Army General Staff College. It was rather amusing to watch colonels and lieutenant colonels pulling rank on each other to line her up to teach their students. She wanted to take graduate studies in teaching English as a second language but could not find a university program within reasonable distance from our home in Missouri. She was, however, hired to tutor individual Chinese- and Arabic-speaking students in the local schools there. There is a line from a hymn "A grateful heart a garden is." Orrel was unfailingly grateful for the blessings of home, family, and life. She would often say to me, "We are surrounded with love" whenever someone did something kind for her. She would put her family's needs ahead of her own plans without complaint. Overseas tours, being a Navy wife, raising a family, and part-time employment delayed her college graduation for over 25 years. When that happy day finally came, she had three children among those congratulating her. She was a treasured companion. She was always interested in my projects and gave me lots of encouragement. A guy couldn't ask for a better cheering section in marriage. I shall miss her. Pamela Clark I also want to thank each and every person who is here today for a celebration of my Mom’s life. I know that I could not have made it through the last week without your prayers. Each phone call helped me keep going – every remembrance shared was a renewed connection to my Mom. For those who sent us such beautiful flowers, cards or left food, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This last week I have been taking a trip down memory lane and have been reading old diaries I wrote when I was my own daughter’s age. I kept the diaries from 1967-1969. I wrote about my families’ trips to Hong Kong and Australia. I am going to use these diaries as a springboard to talk about my Mom. For one thing, my Mom was incredibly funny. She had an infectious laugh, a great sense of humor and she could never get a cliché right. I wrote down some of the funny things she said and did in my diaries, because I dreamed of writing a book about my Mom someday. I thought she was amazing. While we were on the Ocean Liner headed for Hong Kong I wrote: July 7th, Sunday. I walked almost a mile today [around the deck]. Mom has her fake tan on. There are brown blobs on her hands and ankles where she got too much [sun tan lotion] on. She feels rather bad that it’s fake, so she’s going to try and sit in the sun more. [In the evening] Mom, Derek and I want to see “That Darn Cat” with Haley Mills. Mom laughed so hard she was crying. I actually saw the tears.” While we were living in the Repulse Bay Hotel in Hong Kong I wrote: August 8th, Thursday. Went swimming for the first time in ages. This morning while we were down on the beach it really poured rain. Then we had a good lunch. I had [a] Philadelphia [cream] cheese and pitted date [sandwich]. We laughed through the whole lunch, [‘cause] Mom said “Would you like some DATED PITS.” We also laughed about the fact that Mom got lost with us this morning trying to find the Bank. Then Mom very seriously said that a man was looking at her on the beach and smiled a lot and said “hi!” to her. She said she would SMACK Dad if he did that to any woman(!) My Mom also taught us about loving books and reading. My diaries are filled with the different books I read, both on the ship going to Hong Kong, and during my studies in Melbourne, Australia. I discovered the “Forsyte Saga” series of books while on summer vacation in Hong Kong. Because my Mom was an avid reader, our homes have always been full of books. Anyone who has been in our home today can see how important books were to my Mom – our living room and bedrooms are all full to spilling over with books. She also helped instill a love of reading to my daughter, Colleen, sharing with her her love of all types of books, but especially mysteries. My daughter was introduced to Agatha Christie murder mysteries at an early age, and went through the entire series of “Cat Who” and “Sneaky Pie Brown” mysteries with my Mom’s help. Books, or a gift certificate to “Boarders Book Store” were sought after gifts for Christmas. My Mom often gave subscriptions to children’s magazines to beloved relatives’ children, so that they, too, would benefit from the magic of the written word. My diaries are also full of entries relating to Church and spiritual growth. My Mom insisted on a firm grounding in Biblical teaching. We went to church wherever we lived and wherever we happened to be at the time – whether it be on the boat going to Hong Kong or in a church in another country where English was the second language. July 28th, Sunday. Went to First Church of Christ, Scientist, Hong Kong. We said the Golden Text first in English, then Chinese. We also did the Responsive Reading that way. It was nice. When we went to Christian Science lectures in Hong Kong, we heard the lecture first in English, and then we sat through that same lecture in Chinese. I guess my Mom figured I’d absorb Christian Science teachings one way or another, either in English or in Chinese!! Of great importance to my Mom was being a good Mom. And sometimes with me, it wasn’t an easy job! She tried hard to instill solid values in us, as well as good behaviour. July 3rd, Wednesday. Mom gave a talk to me because I turned on the light when Stephanie was sleeping.. August 12th. I got into trouble with Mom today. Once I stepped on Derek’s foot and was listening [so hard]to Mom ball[ing] him out that I forgot to say “I’m sorry.” So I had to this evening, write out a [thousand] word composition on “Why I should not grudge apologizing for mistakes.” I wrote 487 words…” January 22nd. Did some taping of things. Mom was a bit mad at me tonight. I guess I riled her up a bit, not knowing it. I love you, Mom. My Mom was also especially good at encouraging me in the development of my art education. My diaries mention many of my latest art projects, using the many materials my Mom lovingly provided me. August 5th, Monday. Already today I have done quite a bit of projects. I cut out my picture of Princess Moonbeam Blossom, my Japanese Princess [doll] and worked on a Moset Bootef. It was a praying Angel. I added a halow and some gold sprinkles here and there. During my two summer breaks from boarding school in Australia, I was given the incredible gift of learning Chinese brush painting. January 10th, Friday. Today Mom woke me up at 7:30. It’s rather early, but I go to my [painting] lessons. They are nice. I learned a new way of doing chrysanthemums – outline in black ink and fill in with color. I shall always be grateful for my Mom’s early encouragement of my artistic endeavors. Any successes I have had in art today, I owe to this early fostering of my love of art. Incidentally, in a few weeks, I’ll be teaching rudimentary Chinese brush painting to the handicapped adult students at my job. More than thirty-five years after these diary entries, my Mom continued her encouragement of me. She would leave little yellow sticky messages on the stairs for me when I returned home from work. SHE WILL BE MISSED!!! |
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