DOES YOUR PARTNER...

___ embarrass or make fun of you in front of your family, friends or acquaintances?

___ put down or criticize your accomplishments or goals?

___ make you feel incapable of making choices or decisions?

___ intimidate or threaten you into complying with their wishes?

___ express violence by grabbing, pushing, pinching, shoving or hitting you?

___ call you constantly or show up to be sure you are where you said you’d be?

___ put the blame on alcohol or drugs to excuse hurtful comments or abuse?

___ pressure you sexually to do things you don’t want to do?

___ make you feel like it’s impossible to get out of the relationship?

___ stop you from doing things you want to do?

___ prevent you from spending time with your family or friends?

___ keep you from leaving after a fight?

___ leave you stranded somewhere after a fight to teach you a lesson?

DO YOU...

___ feel afraid of how your partner will act?

___ make excuses for your partner’s behavior?

___ believe that if you changed yourself your partner would also change?

___ try not to do anything to cause a conflict or anger your partner?

___ feel like you can’t do anything to make your partner happy with you?

___ do what your partner wants you to do rather than things you want to do?

___ stay in the relationship because you are afraid of your partner’s reaction if you left?

1. Make sure you have a safe place to go if you sense you are about to be abused or receive violent treatment. You should avoid rooms that have no exits such as a bathroom or basement and rooms where weapons may be found such as the kitchen.

2. Have a list of people that you consider to be “safe” contacts so you will have someone you can call or go to for help.

3. Always have change with you in case you are stranded and need to make a phone call.

4. Make a list of important phone numbers and memorize them.

5. Create a secret word or sign that you can use so that your family, friends or co-workers will know you need them to call for help.

6. Plan what you will say to your partner if they become abusive or violent.

7. Always remember that you are entitled to live without fear and violence.

Now let’s take a look at what you should do if you’ve succeeded in getting out of an abusive or violent relationship.

1. If you’re still in the home you shared with your partner change every door lock even if the door was not in use. Your partner may have a key and you don’t want him to be able to get in. Be sure all of the windows are locked.

2. Be sure you change your phone number if you’re still in the home you shared with your partner. Change it even if you have moved to a new location. Get an unlisted number and do not give it out to anyone you’re not sure you can trust.

3. Get an answering machine so that you can screen your phone calls.

4. Document and keep the records of all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving your partner in a safe place. You may need those records when contacting support programs for help. You will need those records when seeking legal assistance.

5. If you are confronted by your abusive partner be sure you have an escape plan ready and be prepared to use it.

6. Make sure all meetings with your partner are held in a public place. Never agree to a private meeting even if they are being nice to you.

7. Do not follow the same routine everyday. Take different routes to and from your home or place of work. Shop at different times and in different locations. Don’t have lunch or dinner in the same place everyday.

8. If you have children in school alert them to your situation. Put a plan in place with the school so they will know what to do if trouble arises.

9. Talk to your boss, tell him about your situation and make plans in case your partner harasses you at work or shows up. Alert your co-workers and business contacts too.

10. Do your best to avoid being home alone. Don’t go to isolated areas.

11. Call a shelter for battered women if you need to. There is no shame in seeking needed assistance.