What It Means To Be Cold In Michigan
Missourians try to turn on the heat.
Michigan people plant gardens.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Michigan people sunbathe.
Italian cars won't start.
Michigan people drive with the windows down.
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Michigan people throw on a sweatshirt.
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Michigan people have the last cookout before it gets cold.
- 0 -
People in Miami cease to exist.
Michigan people lick the flagpole.
Canadians fly away to Mexico.
Michigan people get out their winter coats.
Michigan's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Michigan's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival"
classes until it gets cold enough.
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
Michigan people rent some videos.
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michigan people get frustrated when they
can't thaw the keg.
Microbial life ceases to survive on dairy products.
Michigan cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
ALL atomic motion stops.
Michigan people start saying...."Cold `nuff for ya?"
Hell freezes over.
The Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl.
"Jest 4 Laffs" And Again Author 'Unknown'
Californians put their sweaters on.
Miami residents turn on the heat.
Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
You can see your breath,
Californians shiver uncontrollably,
Minnesotans go swimming.
Italian cars don't start.
You plan your vacation in Australia.
Ohio water freezes,
Californians weep pitiably,
Minnesotans eat ice cream,
Canadians go swimming.
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless,
New York City water freezes,
Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
French cars don't start,
cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
You need jumper cables to get the car going.
American cars don't start.
Alaskans put on T-shirts.
Kentuckians get out their long johns!
German cars don't start,
eyes freeze shut when you step outside.
You can cut your breath & use it to build an igloo,
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects,
Miami residents cease to exist.
Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you,
politicians actually do something about the homeless,
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof,
Japanese cars don't start.
Too cold to think,
you need jumper cables to get the driver going.
You plan a two week hot bath,
Swedish cars don't start.
Minnesotans button top button,
Canadians put on sweater,
your car helps you plan your trip South.
Congressional hot air freezes,
Alaskans close the bathroom window.
Polar bears move South,
Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.
Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
Hell freezes over and Bill finally tells
You know you are a true Michigander when:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass
a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going up north
past Grand Rapids for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4.You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C"
in the same day and back again.
6. You are forced to pass idiots (driving slow in the fast lane)
on the right!
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage
and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car
and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot
at the Farm Fleet at any given time.
13. you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes
are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Wolverines as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons:
almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
17. You can identify an Ohio accent.
18. You have no problem spelling Kalamazoo.
19. You consider the UP exotic.
20. You don't have a coughing fit
from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow
next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down South to you means Toledo.
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party
to celebrate his new machine shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
27. You know how to polka.
28. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
29. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
30. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
Home in Michigan
Dave "TimberCarver" Allerding Delton, Michigan
Leaning Tree Woodcarvers
Michigan by Polly
Lightning Tree Graphic Design
Copyrighted ©Laine Caudell * 1998-2006
.ALL Rights Reserved.
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