50 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Michigan people sunbathe.

40 above
Italian cars won't start.
Michigan people drive with the windows down.

32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Michigan people throw on a sweatshirt.

15 above
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Michigan people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

- 0 -
People in Miami cease to exist.
Michigan people lick the flagpole.

20 below
Canadians fly away to Mexico.
Michigan people get out their winter coats.

40 below
Milwaukee disintegrates.
Michigan's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Michigan's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival"
classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
Michigan people rent some videos.

100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michigan people get frustrated when they
can't thaw the keg.

297 below
Microbial life ceases to survive on dairy products.
Michigan cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below
ALL atomic motion stops.
Michigan people start saying...."Cold `nuff for ya?"

500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl.

Author Unknown!!!



"Jest 4 Laffs" And Again Author 'Unknown'

60 degrees
Californians put their sweaters on.

50 degrees
Miami residents turn on the heat.

45 degrees
Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.

40 degrees
You can see your breath,
Californians shiver uncontrollably,
Minnesotans go swimming.

35 degrees
Italian cars don't start.

32 degrees
Water freezes.

30 degrees
You plan your vacation in Australia.

25 degrees
Ohio water freezes,
Californians weep pitiably,
Minnesotans eat ice cream,
Canadians go swimming.

20 degrees
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless,
New York City water freezes,
Miami residents plan vacation farther south.

15 degrees
French cars don't start,
cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 degrees
You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 degrees
American cars don't start.

0 degrees
Alaskans put on T-shirts.
Kentuckians get out their long johns!

-10 degrees
German cars don't start,
eyes freeze shut when you step outside.

-15 degrees
You can cut your breath & use it to build an igloo,
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects,
Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 degrees
Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you,
politicians actually do something about the homeless,
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof,
Japanese cars don't start.

-25 degrees
Too cold to think,
you need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 degrees
You plan a two week hot bath,
Swedish cars don't start.

-40 degrees
Californians disappear,
Minnesotans button top button,
Canadians put on sweater,
your car helps you plan your trip South.

-50 degrees
Congressional hot air freezes,
Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 degrees
Polar bears move South,
Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.

-90 degrees
Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

-100 degrees
Hell freezes over and Bill finally tells all.



You know you are a true Michigander when:

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass
a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going up north
past Grand Rapids for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4.You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C"
in the same day and back again.
6. You are forced to pass idiots (driving slow in the fast lane)
on the right!
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage
and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car
and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot
at the Farm Fleet at any given time.
13. you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes
are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Wolverines as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons:
almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
17. You can identify an Ohio accent.
18. You have no problem spelling Kalamazoo.
19. You consider the UP exotic.
20. You don't have a coughing fit
from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow
next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down South to you means Toledo.
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party
to celebrate his new machine shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
27. You know how to polka.
28. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
29. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
30. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."




Home in Michigan


Proud Member

U.S.A. DRIFTERS

Dave "TimberCarver" Allerding Delton, Michigan

Leaning Tree Woodcarvers

Michigan by Polly

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